Escape
by lilynevans
Summary: He's felt trapped his whole life. The escape wasn't supposed to be easy. A Sirius Black fic, includes violence.


It is pouring with rain outside.

That's all Sirius can think about when his mother screams. It's supposed to be summer; it's supposed to be sunny. Not raining.

"YOU FUCKING BLOOD TRAITOR FILTH!"

Crack. Across his face, once, twice, three times. The cool metal of her ugly rings sting worse than the flesh-on-flesh contact. He squeezes his eyes shut and recoils. Despite all this time, he is still afraid of her. He is still seven years old, standing next to her. A tear drops onto his cheek and it is cool on his burning face. He hates himself for being so weak.

"GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!"

He can't even remember why they're fighting. Some little comment about Muggleborns that threw him over the edge; that threw her over the edge. A difference of opinion that would never change. A hatred born between them that would never fade.

He opens his eyes, just a slither, and can see her furious face leering closer and closer. He stumbles back, trying to get away, but hits the wall with his back. Such a terror encompasses him that he has never felt before, an all-consuming fear that leaves him useless, cowering, whimpering. Nothing has ever made him feel so weak before. He covers his head with his arms, but she grabs them and forces him to look at her. Fear shoots through him, and he holds his breath.

"Go and get your fucking junk," she spits at him, "and get the _hell_ away from me. You're a disgrace to the family name, Sirius Black, and I can't stand you here any longer. GO!"

She shoves him away from her and screams – no, _growls_ with anger. He rushes from the room quickly, clumsily, knocking into the door frame and stumbling on the carpet's edge.

He trips up several stairs, swallowing and forcing the tears to stop flowing. He wipes his face and tries not to be sick on the ugly carpet, nausea threatening at any moment.

He reaches his bedroom door, and sees Regulus standing in the corridor, frozen. They stare at each other, identical grey eyes meeting, both fearful, both waiting for _something,_ some sort of reaction. Because this is it, and they are brothers, and they have both made their choices.

And then it comes: anger. It seizes Sirius suddenly and with full-force.

"I hate you," he says, staring at his younger brother, quivering almost imperceptibly with rage. In his mind, the right for Regulus to be fearful is long gone. "I. Hate. You."

Sirius sees Regulus swallow. The younger boy turns away, the expression on his face unreadable.

Sirius cannot find it in him to care for his little brother any longer.

He's chosen them.

Sirius storms into his room, the anger-induced adrenaline still fuelling him. He grabs possessions randomly and throws them into a bag, trying to remember important things.

"I hate you," he says. "I HATE YOU." Louder, now.

He slings his bag full of possessions over his shoulder, slams the door, and doesn't look back.

"I HATE YOU!" He bellows it, lets it echo around the house.

He ignores Regulus, who is still standing in the corridor with his back turned, and thuds back down the stairs. "I HATE YOU ALL. I HATE THIS FUCKING HOUSE. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I. HATE. YOU."

He reaches his mother again. She's wearing an amused smirk, yet manages to look superior at the same time. He doesn't feel afraid of her anymore; he's leaving. He'll be gone before she can say anything.

He's free.

He walks towards her slowly. His hand curls into a fist. Her gaze flickers to it, and he watches her expression change.

Fearful.

He almost laughs. There is no pity in his heart for the woman in front of him, not after all the damage, all the pain, the terror – it comes to this, in his mind. He probably shouldn't be doing this, he should go while he can - but no. He feels the need to hurt her, the same reckless vindication that comes with the success of revenge.

He rises his hand and swings. She sucks in a breath - barely audible (nothing could make this woman appear undignified, it seems).

And then, before he can do anything about it, he is against the wall, a hand at his throat. He can't breathe.

His eyes open, and he sees his father's face: a picture of manic fury. And just like that, all cockiness is gone. Fear seizes him again, as suddenly as it came; what was he thinking, trying to best his parents? These people were made out of ice, nothing but cruel. He feels the pain of his father's fingers, but not nearly as much as the humiliation.

The fingers dig deeper into his windpipe. Black spots appear in his vision.

"Stop... Stop..." Sirius tries to croak, but it doesn't come out right.

He realises he's going to die.

He tries to struggle, but his limbs are pinned back by his father's weight. He can't see at all, no breath is entering his body, and his own thumping heart seems to be slowing down.

"That's enough, Orion."

The voice comes from his mother, and suddenly he can breathe again as he is dropped to the floor. He is gasping, coughing, trying to find air to fill his starved lungs.

"You better go now, boy, or I'll keep going. No matter what your mother says," Orion Black hisses in his ear.

Still gasping, Sirius picks up his bag and stumbles up to the door. He finds the handle, wrenches it open, and falls against it as he slams the door. He closes his eyes for a moment, massaging his aching throat and taking heaving breaths to stop the dizziness.

He opens his eyes, takes a final deep breath, then apparates.

Where?

To the Potter's, of course.


End file.
